Teardrop
by DarkBard0
Summary: JJ and Emily have a fight. Written for International Day Of Femslash. Femslash warning & mature themes. Don't like don't read.


**Title**: Teardrop  
**Author:** darkbardzero  
**Fandom**: Criminal Minds  
**Pairings**: Emily Prentiss/Jennifer Jareau  
**Ratings**: NC-17/18  
**Warnings**: Mature adult themes and bad language.  
**Disclaimers**: All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff  
**Author's** **Notes**: For the International Day Of Femslash. This was prompted by the repeated request of **SofiaLindsay**. She asked me some time ago to write a fic about JJ and Emily fighting, ending with a 'Huff' type scene. So here it is. I finally did it, and got it ready for IDF.

**Thank you: **To **SofiaLinday **for doing her beta thing! And being a pest, of course!

It was dark and dismal out. A far cry to the weather they had just left in San Francisco. There had been some heavy on and off rain, but it had still been warm. And sunny between the showers. Unlike here in Virginia, which had a biting cold to the air.

They had been there on the tail of Caleb Noble, a young but rather savage killer. After two days of back and forth games with the media, and JJ personally, Noble had made his first mistake. He left a witness behind after snatching his latest young victim. Of course, they had posted some Officers with Sheila Gordon, but as JJ had gone to her house to ask for some more details as everyone else moved on Noble's suspected residence, she found that the Officers were clearly not enough.

Noble had left her in an impossible position. A knife to Mrs Gordon's throat as he stood behind her. Being so slight of frame, he had managed to hide behind her so effectively that even JJ's expert marksmanship didn't help. After he got to his car he threw the woman at JJ, and made a move. After JJ made sure Mrs Gordon was okay, she too took to her SUV and sped after him.

Hotchner had told her to wait. She had told him there wasn't any time. After a quick but dangerous car chase, she told him she would follow Noble into the storm drain, considering there was undoubtedly the girl down there. Hotch told her to be careful, she promised she would be. She had grabbed her vest, a torch and she was off.

The first blow had been Noble's. Evidently, he had heard the echo of her approaching footsteps. Her gun had clattered to the ground, sitting in the inch of water that ran through the huge pipe. JJ had been right though, the girl was there. She saw her, as she had gingerly touched her forehead, bringing her fingers back to see that there was blood.

It had been quite a gritty battle. Hard blows, rugby tackles into the walls. JJ had managed to do her fair share of damage, relying on her ever dependable hand to hand training. He was used to girls, scared girls that were easily controlled by fear. She was a grown woman, an FBI Agent. The fight had ended the only real way it was going to. By a gun going off. JJ's gun. That she had picked up after he had managed to throw her to the floor. She had shot him straight through the heart, and when he fell, he was lifeless. After, bloody and bruised, she had dragged herself to the girl, releasing her from her restraints and held her as she cried.

2 minutes later, the team had been there, flooding the storm drain with noise and life. It was done, the girl was saved, the killer was dead, and despite the damage one Agent had taken, they were all okay. And after a trip to the hospital, some dry clothes and a coffee later, JJ had relaxed into the chair on the jet, happy that the the painkillers were doing their job. Hotchner had given her a soft speech about going in alone, but that said, she had done a great job and it had been the only option. He had told her she did the right thing.

The frown on Emily's face didn't quite agree. She had refrained from saying much, letting JJ rest as they flew home.

JJ felt the exhaustion in her bones, and her eyes had fluttered closed for most of the drive home. She had listened to the patter of rain on the car, not breaking the silence that filled up the inside. Emily had insisted that she drive, considering that she had been pretty banged up. Right now JJ didn't want to think about the extent of her injuries. Or think at all. The silent drive had been the time she had just let herself switch off, knowing that there would be some activity when they got home. She wanted a shower, and the Doctors had told her to eat so she had something in her stomach after taking the painkillers they had given her. And the antibiotics that had decided to give her, just in case. After all, she had been in a storm drain, with open wounds. They took no chances.

There still hadn't been any talk as Emily had pulled into the driveway of her house, but JJ let out a soft sigh at the sight of it. She was grateful to be home. All she wanted to do right now was get a shower and curl up in bed with her lover before slipping into a peaceful slumber. She let Emily snag her ready bag, seeing that she hadn't been quick enough, and followed the older woman up to the porch and then into the hallway as the brunette had unlocked the door. She felt herself relax just a little bit, now in her own domain. And they had the whole weekend to relax over, which she was greatly looking forward to. And she was especially looking forward to some quality time with Emily; they had been separated for pretty much the whole of the investigation, though the profiler had accompanied her to the hospital.

''It's good to be home.''

The remark was gentle and relieved, showing the tiredness in her voice, as she walked into the kitchen after Emily. She watched as her girlfriend placed her ready bag onto the kitchen table, then turned toward her with a surprisingly cold and empty stare.

''I should go.''

JJ felt herself flinch slightly, instantly frowning in confusion at the look in Emily's eyes, the posture of her stance and the tone in her voice. It was abrasive, and though Emily had used a flat tone, JJ could hear the confrontation behind it. It made her tense up again, because somewhere inside she knew that her wish of showering and heading to bed wasn't going to happen. For some reason Emily was less than happy, and she had slammed up her walls that usually came into play when she tried to bottle up her feelings. Walls that JJ knew she usually had to provoke down, even though when she did it usually ended in a fight.

''Why? I thought you were staying here.''

Thinking about it, JJ realised that Emily had actually been pretty much silent not only in the car, but on the flight home too. She hadn't really thought about it, she supposed, because she had been too tired after her confrontation with Noble. She just thought Emily had been tired too, seeing as everyone else had dozed off also. But Emily had sat, staring out of the window. JJ mentally kicked herself for missing it. Emily staring out of the window in silence was her classic sign that something was on her mind. Each time she had been caught doing it, there had been a reason behind it.

''Well you thought wrong.''

That last remark came out a little harsher, but still as eerily calm. JJ knew that meant trouble, but she also knew it wouldn't take long to push Emily's buttons either. She could see the anger swirling underneath the calm blanket in her eyes, which had now turned a little darker with it. This was definitely no kind of good.

''What's the matter with you?''

She asked, not quite in a demand but more in her initial confusion. Even though she now recognised the signs that Emily was pissed at something, she had no idea why she would be taking out on her. She hadn't done anything wrong; they hadn't really seen each other for the last few days. And before they had left for San Francisco, everything had been fine. They had even been making plans to take a long weekend away somewhere. So she really had no idea what was going on.

''Nothing is the _matter _with me.''

Emily denied, frowning as she folded her arms across her chest, making a physical barrier as well as an emotional one. The response and the gesture made JJ frown, starting to feel her own annoyance now.

''Sure. You've been silent since we left San Francisco.''

The blonde pointed out, watching as her girlfriends jaw clenched slightly.

''The hospital.''

''What?''

''I've been silent since the _hospital _JJ. Not since we left San Francisco.''

She corrected pointedly, making JJ recoil her head and waft a hand in the air defensively.

''Okay, from the hospital then. Does it matter?''

She demanded derisively, pissed off that she had been corrected. She hated it when Emily would do that.

''Yes, _Jennifer_, it does matter. Not that I would expect you to know.''

Emily bit cuttingly, flippantly. She glared across the room, eyes scathing. Full of the fury that was flowing through her. She honestly didn't know who else in the world could make her this angry, aside from her Mother. And even then, she could usually contain it enough to walk away. Save herself the effort of yet another argument. She never could with JJ. They always had to fight whatever issue they had out first, before they could get on with their lives.

''What the hell is that supposed to mean?''

JJ glared back, raising her voice a little, now folding her own arms across her chest just knowing that she was about to be bombarded with the wrath of her girlfriend. She mentally prepared herself for the fight, because it was going to be a fight. She wasn't going to let Emily walk out of here angry if she could help it. She had always preferred getting things aired out. But Emily seemed reluctant. As she rubbed her head, tiredly, and licked her lips before taking a breath in and shaking her head.

''Never mind, just...go to bed. I don't want to do this now.''

JJ scoffed, having been pushed a little too far. Normally it was harder for her to snap, but she was tired and grouchy and she ached everywhere.

''Forget it! Whatever you gotta say, say it. I'd love to know what your damn problem is.''

''_You're _my fucking problem!''

She flinched again, more visibly this time, as Emily yelled. A yell that seemingly came from nowhere, seeing as she had been reasonably calm a second ago. It wasn't often that Emily yelled like that, especially not at JJ.

''Excuse me?''

''Damnit JJ, you're so god damn oblivious sometimes.''

Emily ridiculed, using a rather insulting and patronising tone. She knew how much JJ hated to be patronised and spoken down to. So she used it.

''Then enlighten me, clearly you want to so go ahead.''

JJ offered, shrugging as she did, trying not to show the emotion in her eyes.

''What the hell were you thinking?''

The brunette snapped, her scowl getting more distinct. Accusing eyes setting upon JJ, causing an almost physical whiplash. Her eyes were so powerful. Enough to cause you not only emotional damage but physical too. It was frightening. A look that JJ had seen the other woman use on suspects, countless of unsubs. Killers, rapists, psychopaths, sociopaths. And here she was, levelling it at her. Like she was some suspect to interrogate and demean.

''What?''

''Oh don't, I hate it when you act all clueless and innocent.''

Her tone was militant, almost. Sure of itself, full and harsh. Slightly incredulous too. Full of what could only possibly be described as abhorrence. The barb had been a personal lash out, making JJ instantly realise that this was going to be a dirty fight. They had almost had one before, bordered on the lines of it as some harsh words had been spoken until one of them or both of them had stopped it before it could spiral. It wasn't going to happen now. This was it. Time to pull out every annoyance about the other, every petty thing that pissed them off. And this was where they could aim low, using their knowledge of the other to inflict the most damage.

''Well maybe you should cut to the chase instead of pissing around.''

She snapped immediately.

''Fine. You should _never _have gone into that storm drain.''

Emily retorted definitively, a prompt shake of her head finalising her statement and belief. Something that made JJ frown even further, actually taken back in confusion as her mind turned up on empty why on earth Emily would be pissed about that.

''What? Why?''

Emily's eyebrows shot up incredulously.

''Why? You were alone JJ. You should have waited for backup. It was a stupid risk to take.''

''There was a girl down there Emily, what was I supposed to do, huh?''

JJ yelled back, unwilling to take this out of the blue tirade anymore. Especially since she knew any member of their team would have done exactly the same thing.

''You were reckless.''

''I was fucking doing my job. I can't pick and chose when to do that because the team isn't there.''

''We weren't that far away.''

''Yes you were Emily. What did you want me to do, let her die?''

''You didn't even know for sure she was down there.''

''Oh come on, we both know that I did. What is this really about?''

Between the fast and furious pace of retorts, JJ began to get the distinct impression that there was some hidden reason behind this. That really, Emily was mad at something else and using this a shield. The petulance moving in across her angry lovers features started to give it away too, especially as she recoiled as though she had been caught.

''This is what it's about.''

''No, it isn't. Did you want me to wait around for you?''

As she said it, JJ narrowed her eyes speculatively. Her challenging tone dropping softer for a moment as she thought of any possible reason Emily would be angry about this. And then it struck her. It wasn't the team that Emily had wanted her to wait for, it was her. It had happened before; Emily would take charge, become so dominant. Even when they were all together, the dark brunette would step in front of her, therefore blocking any immediate threat to her safety using her own self. Sometimes it was just how it went, a professional movement. Sometimes it wasn't. Sometimes JJ knew it was because Emily was trying to protect her. And at that, she didn't know whether to be insulted or touched. Though, she was leaning more toward being insulted. Mainly because she didn't like to be made to feel like she was inferior. Because she wasn't. If Emily did it as a professional move, that was different. But when it became personal, when she did it as her girlfriend, that was where JJ drew the line.

''No!''

Emily squeaked, letting her arms unfold as one went to brush through her hair.

''What, so you could protect me? Do you think I need to be protected?''

JJ continued, tone becoming more aggressive again as she thought about the notion more and more. And she never took her eyes off Emily, watching for any slight expression to indicate an answer. An answer that she didn't get verbally either. Emily just opened her mouth, frowned and closed it again.

''You do, don't you?''

The blonde accused furiously.

''I never said that.''

''You didn't have to! Oh my god...''

Thoroughly appalled, her jaw dropped as her mind froze in shock for a moment; JJ had no idea what to say. But the emotion that swept through her at having her thoughts confirmed made her want to do something. So she huffed, chancing a death glare toward Emily, eyes glistening slightly, before she turned on her heel and walked out of the kitchen, needing to move and have a few seconds without Emily in her line of sight. She just wanted to throw something at her right now.

''Hey, don't you walk away from me Jennifer.''

''It's my house; I'll do what I please. You wanted to go, so go.''

JJ growled, pacing frustrated in the front room, one hand tangled in her hair, every muscle tight and defensive. She didn't know where to put herself, what to think. Whether to be angrier, or more hurt, or more offended. Her instinct was that she should be alone. It was a hard blow that Emily had delivered, and the insinuations were endless.

''We haven't finished.''

Emily objected adamantly, making JJ turn to look at her, not holding back anything in her eyes or her face.

''I don't even want to be around someone that doesn't trust me right now.''

''Where the hell did that come from?''

JJ felt something inside of her snap, making her thrust an arm out and point at her lover, clearly getting irate.

''You! God...you think you're so fucking superior, just because you're a profiler and I'm not. Newsflash - you're not god's gift to the FBI.''

''What the hell are you talking about?''

JJ's eyes dropped steely, serious. It sent a chill running down Emily's spine, especially when she heard the low, threatening tone of her lover.

''I don't need protecting Emily. I'm not a baby. Don't you dare insinuate that I can't do my job as well as you.''

''I didn't.''

''Yes you fucking well did. What would you have done, huh?''

Emily shrugged, almost passively, flicking her eyes downward for a second.

''I don't know.''

She did it because she knew it was a lie. And so did JJ. The blonde scoffed at her, shaking her head.

''Don't pull that shit on me. You would have been down there in a heart beat and you know it. Not so reckless now, is it?''

Emily just sighed. She hated fighting. She hated fighting with JJ. But for some reason, she needed to. She wanted to. Everything in her was building up and she couldn't stop it. She wanted to be spiteful; she wanted to hurt her girlfriend. She didn't know why, she was just so damn angry. And it was past the point of no return. Perhaps if she had left when she had said she was going to, many harsh words ago, this could have been avoided. This melt down. Perhaps with a night apart and some sleep, everything would have been fine in the light of day. They both would have gotten some rest, and they would have been able to spend a nice day together.

''You do this every time we fight; you twist around everything I say.''

''Oh there was no twisting to be done. I am _not_ a lesser Agent than you. I'm perfectly capable of conducting myself in the field. And I _will_ do what I have to do. Profilers don't own that right, do you hear me?''

''You're being ridiculous.''

''No, I'm not. And you know it. You look me in the eye and tell me you don't think you're better than me.''

''I don't.''

JJ groaned in frustration, flailing her one good hand.

''You're such a liar. Why would it be okay for you and not for me? Because you don't trust me. Because you think all I'm good for is standing up in front of the press. Because I have a different speciality to you. Oh, and let's not forget you're the Supervisory Agent. Can't let that one go, can we?''

Emily flailed too, using that patronising tone again that she knew JJ hated so much. Did she think JJ was a lesser Agent than her, simply because she wasn't a profiler? She was the only Agent that worked on the team that wasn't a profiler. Did it mean anything? Did it mean that she thought the same of every other Agent? Was it an elitist thing that the others had too? She wasn't sure. And if she wasn't sure, she immediately rejected the idea. JJ really was being ridiculous.

''What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not _your _Supervisory Agent, remember?''

''You're _a _Supervisory Agent, which means you're mine. What that doesn't mean is that you get to chew me out because you wanted to play the hero, as usual.''

''You know what, screw you, I can't talk to you when you're like this.''

JJ was pushing every one of her buttons, and she didn't like it.

''Well you started it.''

''I was mad at you for exposing yourself to that much danger, JJ. As your _girlfriend. _Look at you. Obviously, it was the wrong choice.''

Letting her voice go aghast as she flailed a hand in the air, at the length of JJ's body to point out her current injured state, Emily huffed and grumbled her point. Which evidently only served to piss JJ off even more.

''How can you say that? How can you say that _to me_? Do you know how it makes me feel that you don't think I'm good enough? To have you judge every move a make? To see me as the teams lapdog? I have never needed anyone to molly coddle me, and I won't let you do it either. You have to knock this off. Stop treating me like a child. At work _and _at home.''

Never had JJ really suspected that Emily honestly thought she wasn't a good Agent, and she felt something give way inside of her at the thought of it. Faced with the truth, it was a startling and cruel discovery that made her question not only Emily's view on her, but herself. And she didn't like doing that.

''Well maybe I would if you stopped acting like one.''

The brunette retorted unmercifully, wanting to simply strike a blow to a vulnerable area.

''I can't believe you just said that.''

''You're the one that called it. You're the one that's acting childish right now.''

''You call me having to _defend _myself to you childish? Jesus, you're so god damn ignorant sometimes. It's not just my ability to be an Agent you're demeaning Emily, it's me. I've worked so hard to get where I am. You have no idea. And it's something I take so seriously, you should know that. You think I could just stand around, not caring whether a victim lives or dies? You think I'm just eye candy for this unit, that I have a cushy job? I don't. You have no idea what I do, because you're too much of a self righteous bitch to find out. I didn't just flirt my way up to an easy position.''

The yell she had adopted seemed permanent now. She was overwhelmed, her back was up against the wall and she was hurting from Emily's remarks. It was always the one lest likely that could be the most hurtful. No one thought Emily would have the malicious side in her, but JJ knew better. There were many hidden sides to her girlfriend, most of them good, but a few were flawed too. She had always accepted those, choosing to love her as a whole. And she did, love her. She had become the centre of her world, unlike any other preceding lover she had had. The good outweighed the bad, and the bad was part and parcel with being a couple. You didn't get so seriously involved and expect tea and roses the whole time. The gritty and hard stuff needed to be there too. However, this was somewhat grittier than she would have liked. And right now, she couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel of this fight.

''Wouldn't surprise me.''

The brunette grumbled, once again folded her arms across her chest in a defensive yet still offensive manner.

''What did you say?''

JJ gasped, blinking a couple of times in shock. Emily rolled her eyes as she huffed.

''Oh come on, you know damn well how much you flirt to get your way. It's sickening. And all those guys you flirt with? Jesus JJ, you might as well just go right ahead and screw them, cos they have no idea you're taken. Or bi, but maybe that's the problem.''

The look in Emily's eyes left no room for misunderstanding, and the insinuation cut into JJ more so than the heated words over her ability at work. She had never, ever, cheated on anyone. And she never would. In her eyes, if you felt like cheating, a serious talk needed to be had or it was time to cut your losses. She'd never just run off and bang someone then return home to Emily and tell her everything was okay. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. Nor had she ever given Emily reason to worry she would. She had been straight foreword with the brunette as they had started to become friends after she had joined the unit. She had told her the truth, said she was bi, and Emily said she had no problem with that. Shortly there after had been when Emily had admitted that she was a lesbian. When they had started dating, they had talked about it again. JJ wanted to make sure it would never be an issue, after it had been with a couple of other partners.

''Oh so you're questioning my loyalty now? You said you were fine with my being bi.''

''That's before I realised you flaunt yourself at every butch Detective!''

Emily screeched irritably, once again letting her hand flail in the air. She hated it so much. JJ was hers, and she hated the look in those pansy assed guys' faces, thinking that they had a chance with her. She could see them look at her, leering, see every sordid thought about what they wanted to do to her. And JJ just let them. She smiled at them, eyes shining brightly as she would make a kind and witty remark for something, before asking them to do something. She had to know what she was letting them think. Had to see their thoughts.

''Funny, cos you don't seem to care when I'm trying to get something done for you. And its not flirting, its called being nice to people. Ya know, actually being polite and not giving off the air that you think you're better than them? You should try it sometime.''

''You trying to get at something there?''

She derived sarcastically, narrowing her eyes slightly. JJ just scoffed bitterly.

''Oh now whose being oblivious? What, Mommy and Daddy didn't teach you how to be gracious around the poorer folk? The 'salt of the earth' type people? A little beneath you, is it?''

''Don't you dare bring my parents into this.''

The profiler warned, her buttons being pushed even harder now.

''Why? Because you try to convince yourself that you're nothing like them?''

''I'm not.''

''Really? You don't think you're just lying to yourself a little bit there? You go on and on about how much you hated your upbringing…yet you have no idea how lucky you were. And you don't seem to mind reaping the benefits, do you?''

JJ didn't relent, bringing up the ugly truth about it. Because Emily did reap the benefits of it. She used the experience, the privilege, the money. And then she moaned about it. That's all JJ could think of right now, in her unusually cruel state of mind. Not letting one counter argument stick up for her girlfriend. She was out for blood too.

''Is this the part where there's violins in the background and you waffle on about small towns and limited opportunity?''

Emily mocked, willing to strike even lower if she had to, seeing as JJ brought up the whole parents and upbringing thing.

''Hey, I don't care if you grew up with a golden spoon in your mouth or not. What I care about is you lording it around and claiming that you don't.''

''I do not lord it around.''

She objected adamantly. There was no way in hell anyone could say that about her.

''Yes you do! You insist on paying for everything, on doing everything. It gets tired. You treat me like a fucking chore or something. You _have _to pay. You _have _to drive. You _have _to be in control.''

JJ pointed out, thinking of a handful of examples for each example. Emily always thought she was automatically in charge and it was infuriating.

''I am not controlling, you're crazy. Forgive me for wanting to do nice things for you.''

''Yes you are, you are controlling. It's fucking irritating and I hate it. You know like two weeks ago, when you changed the wine I ordered at the restaurant?''

She recalled a prime example of her point. Emily had just changed the order, telling her that the wine she had ordered wouldn't go as well with the food as the one she had. JJ hadn't thought too much about it at the time. After all, Emily was more of the expert with wine. JJ liked wine, but she wasn't up on the knowledge with it. She was more of a beer kind of girl most of the time.

''It was a bad choice.''

Emily reeled of dismissively.

''Yeah I seem to do a lot of them in your eyes, don't I?''

''Hey it's not my fault you don't think about things.''

Chided, JJ chuckled bitterly as she shook her head and looked down, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She was getting a headache.

''Oh fuck off Emily.''

At that Emily snickered, a brutal and cold look moving in over her dark eyes.

''Nice comeback, is that fragile little brain of yours starting to get a little stressed?''

JJ looked up, clearly taken back by the actual viciousness of that comment. Designed only to hurt, specifically to hurt. It stung, like the back of her eyes stung at the glimmer of tears that she kept trying to force back did.

''Emily Prentiss that is just a cruel thing to say.''

''Whatever.''

''You're so insensitive.''

''You're so inane. Like a fucking blonde Barbie, completely self involved.''

She threw back maliciously, well aware of how powerful the bite she had. She could tell by the way JJ flinched, the way she was starting to get upset. Upset was good, it meant she was winning, and she knew she had the foot in the door to do the maximum damage.

''Blonde Barbie? And you say I'm the immature one. I guess age doesn't equate as much maturity as you think, huh? I can't believe you just called me that.''

JJ's voice was softer now, full of hurt and exhaustion. She had been sufficiently wounded already, and she doubted she could take much more of Emily's onslaught.

''Well if the shoe fits.''

Sighing, the blonde looked over at her girlfriend, defeated.

''Just...stop it. I don't even know what this is about any more other than hurling insults at each other. What you've said...''

Her words drifted away with her, as she brought up a shaky hand, trying to wipe away the couple of tears that escaped her eyes. But after she did, a couple more just followed in their wake. This was her surrender, she couldn't fight anymore. She was too tired, too damaged. Emily had managed to sufficiently knock her down, questioning things that JJ thought she'd never question. It made her wonder for a moment if the brunette really knew her at all.

''What I've said what?''

''You just gutted me Emily.''

She whispered weakly, letting her eyes drop. She stared at Emily's shoes instead, unwilling to let her see for the moment, how big of a devastation she had caused. The crack that she had just made inside, gaping in its depth.

''Oh don't be so dramatic, suck it up.''

Emily barked flippantly, startling JJ enough to look up again. Given all that she had said tonight, JJ could only be left with one heartbreaking question. One that she couldn't stop from falling out of her mouth.

''For fucks sake. You know, if you hate everything about me then why are you with me?''

''That's a good question!''

JJ gaped for a moment. She expected something else to be said. Emily's reply had been so immediate, so solid and confident sounding. Yet she expected a retraction. Some sort of back peddle, for her to say she was sorry or explain what she meant. She got none. And the silence that lingered was deafening. Her entire body froze, trepidation filling her insides as her breathing caught at her heart thumped against her chest loudly.

''What?''

''You heard me Jennifer.''

''You...you don't know why you're with me?''

She staggered out, just above a whisper. A lost frown covering her pale and slightly bruised in places face. Blue eyes instantly turned dull as they drifted downward, staring into nothing. She thought that Emily loved her, like she loved Emily. She thought they were happy, that they were going to be together and that was it. Emily was supposed to be her future. Obviously, she thought wrong. Just the thought of the implications of the words made her stomach churn. How could she be so callous? How could she have lied to her like that?

''No, sometimes I don't. You're just...so impossible. Everything about us is different, and you make me fucking crazy. You make me doubt myself, it's too much. You're so...young, and who knows what it is you want, because I don't. I hate worrying about every single cute guy or girl that comes your way.''

JJ nodded numbly, beginning to feel her world spin as it split at the seams. She could not cope with this. Nor could she stay with someone that didn't love her. Had that been Emily's intention tonight? To attack her ability as an Agent, her loyalty and character and then go in for the kill and just right on tell her that this meant nothing? That she didn't love her, and therefore didn't know what they were doing together? She couldn't let her do that to her, to strip her of her dignity as well.

''Get out.''

''What?''

Emily was surprised by the growl, said through gritted teeth. And a pang hit her stomach immediately, knowing that JJ was all too deadly serious. Then as the blonde managed to look at her, trying to keep her chin up but obviously in pain, trembling slightly with a crushed expression, Emily felt sick.

''Just, get out. Now. I can't look at you any more. You just..._I love you_. I have never, _ever_ made you think otherwise. I'm sick of proving myself to your insecurities. God, you have no idea how much you just hurt me. So get out, leave your key, I don't want to see you again.''

With the drained resolution in her voice, JJ gave Emily one more glare before walking away, not being able to hold back the tears anymore, so she let herself cry. This was not what she had been expecting. There had been nothing, no sign or indication. It was so out of the blue, worse than anything she had been through with anyone else. At least with them she had seen it coming. But this, this she felt like it had been dropped on her from a great height. At this point, life without Emily seemed impossible. It made everything look darker and emptier, and instantly the pain engulfed her. She had no idea what she was going to do.

Emily stood stock still, a little shell shocked with JJ's departure. Left in silence, all she was able to do was think about what just happened, from start to finish. She couldn't work out why she'd felt like she had to push JJ so far. Why it started in the first place. Concern had turned into fear, which had turned into anger and then morphed into something she didn't even recognise. She had never acted like this, and she had never endeavoured to purposely and maliciously hurt anyone. Especially JJ. Of course she knew why she was with the blonde. She loved her. So much more than she knew. More than life itself. And she had just gutted her, made her believe that she didn't love her.

Sinking to the couch slowly, Emily started to tremble herself. She stared toward the picture set on the coffee table, of them together, smiling and happy. One of JJ's favourites.

''What've I done?''

She thought about her question. Sat in perfect, still silence. Her whole body, her mind even, numbed to the core. She didn't know how long she sat there. It felt like an eternity. Then she blinked, eyes moving to roam around the familiar surroundings of the room. It felt like home here. Something that she had just jeopardised. Maybe even ruined completely. Her words echoed in her head, and they felt like strangers. Felt so foreign and so unlike her.

Emily pulled in a slow breath before gingerly lifting herself up off of the sofa. She made her way back into the kitchen, where she dragged a bottle of bourbon along the counter, reaching up into one of the cupboards above and took hold of a glass. She was shaking. But she managed to pour some of the liquid out, and quickly drank it down in a couple of mouthfuls. It burned down her throat, right to the pit of her stomach. Then, Emily took another breath in, and walked out of the kitchen. Climbing up the stairs, she approached JJ's bedroom door, which was slightly ajar, and pushed it open slowly. Heart thumping in her chest, she ducked her head around. No one was there.

Persisting on, determined to at least try and make things right, Emily checked the spare room only to find that it was empty too. There was only one place left to try upstairs. The profiler took hold of the bathroom door handle, twisting it slowly as she felt butterflies flap in her stomach. She opened the door, and instantly knew that JJ was in there. The room shone with a soft glow, and a familiar scent drifted to her the moment she opened the door. However long she had sat downstairs for, Emily realised it must have been enough time to draw a bath.

Stepping in, she looked at JJ, before shutting the door again and leaning her back against it, hands behind her. The wave of guilt that swept through her was dizzying, seeing JJ so drawn and upset. Her eyes red and puffy from crying. The heartbroken look in her eyes, the failure to understand completely what had just happened. And the resentful glare that was thrown at her as the blonde realised she was still here.

''I told you to go.''

JJ pointed out, voice cracked and shaking, weighted down with oppressive emotion. Emily nodded slightly, not taking her eyes away. She deserved that look right now.

''I know. I can't. We need to talk, JJ.''

JJ scoffed, turning to look away. She flinched slightly, but tried to hide it. Flinched at the bruise covering where her neck met her shoulder, accentuated with a rather gritty looking graze there. It wasn't the only visible injury either. On her other side, on her upper arm, there were finger bruises imprinted into her skin, the same arm that had been damaged the most, making her have the limited use of it now.

''I think you've said quite enough, Emily. Please just…don't make this any worse than it is. You've made it quite clear how you feel, I can't listen to any more.''

JJ swallowed hard, closing her eyes briefly as she tried to swallow another sob that threatened to escape her. She was already down, she couldn't take another hit.

''I never meant to hurt…''

''Yeah well you did. You crushed me, okay? I give in. I got nothing left. So just be satisfied and leave.''

''Let me finish! What I meant was, I never meant to hurt you downstairs. I never meant to hurt you at all. I don't feel that way, JJ. I've never felt that way. I love you, you must know that. More than anything.''

JJ sniffled, hesitatingly looking around, dubious and cautious. But the pleading in Emily's voice, the contrast of how it was downstairs, it made her want to look. The crack running through it was real, it was honest. And so was the look on her face, the tears rolling from her eyes.

''I thought I knew that. But what you said…''

''I didn't mean it.''

''Then why did you say it?''

''I honestly don't know.''

They looked at one another, Emily having no answers and JJ trying to judge whether she really didn't or not. She wanted, desperately, to believe the older woman. She had always trusted her before. Never had any reason to distrust her. But now? Things were slightly different. Even if Emily was sorry, even if she had said some things in the heat of the moment that weren't true, they had still been said. And they must have come out of somewhere. Perhaps just because she knew it would strike the heaviest blows, JJ wasn't sure. But she knew she owed it to herself, and maybe even Emily to try and figure it out. She couldn't just let this go. She had done it before. Let go at the first sign of trouble. Emily was different. And she needed to find the strength in her to fight for what they had.

''Jennifer, I _do _love you. I have never doubted what I'm doing with you. And I will do _anything _to prove it to you. The thought that I made you think otherwise…I can't…I don't…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.''

Emily could barely get the words out, her chest tightening at the thought of what she'd done. She didn't try to hide it now, let JJ see her exposed. She hurt because she had hurt her. And it was inexcusable. Even if JJ did forgive her, she'd never forgive herself. And she'd never let anything go that far again. What she had with the blonde was so remarkable, better than anything she had experienced before, and given a second chance to have that, she was determined never to screw up again or waste it.

''I believe you. But, there are obviously things about this relationship that need to be worked on. I can't have you ready to believe that I'd cheat on you. And not just that. There are things that I said that I shouldn't have. And I'm sorry too. But we can't just pretend like it never happened.''

''I know.''

''You mean everything to me, Emily. But if you really do doubt me, if you're not willing to work on this properly, you need to tell me now. It'll hurt less now.''

''I will do whatever it takes JJ. I respect you too much to believe that you would cheat on me, I don't doubt you. There are things I'm uncomfortable with, but I don't doubt you I promise.''

JJ looked at her girlfriend seriously for a moment. Felt the soft relief that they hadn't broken all together. She could cope with this. With having some cracks to fix. That was okay. Because as long as they both wanted to, and were honest and loved each other, she was sure they would be okay. But she was so tired. The physical exertion had been tiring enough, but the emotional boxing match that had happened downstairs had worn her out even more.

''Come here.''

Letting out a slow breath, Emily pushed herself off of the door and moved through the bathroom toward the bathtub. She knelt down near JJ, leaning into the tub slightly for support.

''The personal things we can work on. But Emily, don't you ever question my ability as an Agent again. I'm good at what I do. You can't expect me not to put myself in danger to do my job. I don't need you or anyone else to protect me, okay? I have the same training as you do, you need to remember that. I know you just want me to be safe, but we're not exactly in a safe job. I worry about you too, but I don't second guess you because of it.''

Emily sniffled slightly, nodding gently as she let JJ move a strand of her hair behind her ear.

''I know JJ, I do. I've always thought you were a good Agent. A hell of an Agent, actually. My natural instinct is to protect anyone I care about, but especially you. It doesn't mean I don't think you're not capable though, I swear. I know you don't need protecting. I guess…I just guess when you went in there I suddenly realised what could happen. I've never had to deal with that before.''

JJ frowned slightly, sitting up properly now, not taking her hand away from the side of Emily's face.

''What about the Henkel case?''

''It was different. I was worried; you have no idea how much. But even so, we were friends then JJ. And now we're so much more. You've never come up against something like this when we've been a couple. I should have handled it better I know, and I will, I promise.''

Emily furrowed her brow, trying her best to explore and express the cause behind her outburst. A little frustrated, she yanked off her jacket, tossing it across the bathroom before folding up the sleeves of her shirt. After letting out a short puff of air, she looked up at JJ again.

''I'm sorry.''

JJ nodded softly.

''I'm sorry too. Em, I know there's a lot to talk about…but I'm so tired. All I want is for things to be okay for tonight. Can we just do that? I need to relax somehow, so can you just kiss me now and take me to bed and hold me the whole night through?''

Emily nodded, smiling affectionately as she stroked down the side of JJ's face, softly moving her thumb over her lips. She trembled almost unnoticeably, realising what it was that she had come so close to loosing. She wasn't sure why JJ wanted her, or what she had done to deserve her, but she wasn't about to question her luck right now. Leaning forward, she placed a soft and lingering kiss on her lovers mouth, tasting what was always JJ but the salt of her tears too.

The kiss didn't stay soft though. Developed into something else, something phenomenal. All that emotion poured into it, and their tongues fought for dominance of each others mind as they continued to kiss furiously. Until the only thing that could part them was the need for air.

''Sit back.''

Emily whispered breathlessly. JJ looked at her questioningly, but Emily nodded and the blonde did as she was requested. The kiss had intensified things between them, the air around them was thicker and hotter. JJ had expected to just get out and go to bed. She had been too tired to think of anything else. Now though, after that kiss, her whole body felt alive and alert, tingling and throbbing for sensation. For the look in Emily's dark eyes. So she sat back, letting her back rest against the bathtub, still keeping her knees bent up though. And she watched as Emily moved forward, facing the edge of the tub properly as she did.

JJ eagerly accepted the kiss that Emily leaned over for, moved her arm up for her hand to grip the back of her neck. And her skin tingled at her ankle, as she felt Emily's finger tips just graze the skin there lightly, having put her arm into the water. As that had started to trail higher, up the expanse of her leg, something in her stomach coiled and stirred as she let one knee drop to the side, effectively opening up to Emily. She groaned gutturally, bucking slightly as she felt probing fingers stroke inside of her softly. The groan caused Emily to stop the kiss, but she didn't pull away.

''Are you okay? I'm not hurting you, am I?''

JJ shook her head as best she could in her heightened state of arousal. Normally it took longer to get her this hot. A lot longer. And usually, Emily liked to drag it out anyway. But sometimes, like now, she just needed to cum hard and fast. Emily had those moments too. And with what happened today, combined by their fight, the need was more powerful now than ever before.

''Don't stop.''

Emily nodded vaguely, her own breath heavy but not as heavy as JJ's as she panted against her. She watched her lover bite her lip slightly, her eyes closing for a moment as she kept on playing in wet folds, enjoying having JJ at her mercy and actively trying to get her to do more. She waited though, until JJ opened her eyes. As soon as she did, as soon as she looked at her, she gave her what she 

wanted. She entered her with her fingers, causing another moan, keeping their eyes locked as she pushed in and out of her, adding some pressure to her clit with her thumb. She loved watching JJ in the throes of passion, she was truly exquisite. Loved how she writhed against her, panting, moaning and gripping onto her tightly. Most of all she loved the intimacy. The physical intimacy, being allowed to touch and feel, and also the emotional intimacy, which bound everything together.

''God Emily…fuck…''

''I love you JJ. Cum for me.''

Emily could feel the tight walls around her start to convulse, and as JJ's eyes dropped to an impossibly darker shade that only arrived on the brink of climax, she knew it was time. She curled her fingers, applying the right amount of pressure, and brought on that ever delightful bliss, saw it spread into dark blue eyes and across her lovers face. Every muscle rod the orgasm out, until they relaxed and stilled, leaving JJ a panting but rather happy mess.

''I love you…''

JJ whispered, still not quite recovered. Emily pulled her forward, wrapping her arms around the lithe blonde, holding onto her for all she was worth without actually hurting her. She knew everything would be fine as she held her. She knew they would equal themselves out, because they were JJ and Emily. But for now, she wanted to grant JJ's request.

''C'mon baby, you need some rest. Let's go to bed.''


End file.
